I’m confused today. Or maybe not. I decided to stay in my room today after a long. Somehow I can’t study anything when I’m in my room or at home unless I get a lot of pressure to do so. And almost every moment is taking me back in time today. Or to someplace I imagine. Or maybe abstract. Oh yeah, I’m reading about the basis for infinite dimensional vector spaces, but can’t focus really. While on the bed reading this, I see little Sylvia wearing a frock and going out to play on the streets. I blink, scene changes-her mother is telling her to wear frocks more often as she thinks that when Sylvia grows up, she wouldn’t be able to wear those, and frocks do suit her. I blink- She’s spanning her whole house ( Excuse me for using the word – ‘spanning’, but I really can’t stop staring at my ‘Basis’ notes.) and doing just what she wants to do. Now she’s talking to her father and asking him to memorize the names of her school teachers. She doesn’t study much, but she reads books. I see a bunch of Chandamama magazines and a well-made plan for the afternoon. I see her going to a nearby library along with her frock-wearing gang. I change my position and gaze at the ‘basis’ again. Words again take me somewhere, I see – ‘David Copperfield’. No, I don’t know what exactly I see, I don’t see him as a character, I don’t recall the cover, I don’t imagine seeing the book in the library, I just think about this name- David Copperfield. Sylvia rejoined the library two times, after some gaps for unknown reasons, and read this same book every time she rejoined. What was so special about that book?! Sylvia has no answer. I get back to the ‘basis’. Try to find that Sylvia. Think about the digression. Imagine Sylvia sitting on a comfy chair in her room having a sip of coffee and thinking about all the good just like they show in movies. But nothing of that sort happens. I’m not what little Sylvia used to think I would be. The world doesn’t seem like adult Ruskin Bond’s world after I have grown up. I again see Sylvia in a frock (with a flower print) in little Ruskin Bond’s world. Nothing makes sense. I realize that I still wear frocks at times, but it’s just that its name is changed, the look is different now. The look is changed. Now it’s a dress. Still no sense. I give up. I listen to Gham Ka Khazana by Jagjit Singh and sit at a table finally trying hard to focus.
-SylviaSolo